I had this really weird dream, I knew I was dreaming but I couldn’t wake up until I defeated this guy who was controlling my dream. I can’t remember much about it except for those facts. I never had a dream like this before and eventually I defeated the man and woke up. A lot of my friends were there and somewhere along the line I kissed someone, as to who it was I kissed I can’t seem to recall. Pretty sure it was some girl I never met before. Random love interest for the dream? Someone I may meet sometime? I think I question my dreams more then I should.
Usually when something bad happens to me I try and just smile and shrug it off, I just enjoy the moment and never plan ahead. I prefer to just take things as they come and live in the moment but theres been times I stop and think. I don’t like when I do that because I never think of anything good. I’m sure it was obvious to anyone who knows me but I believe I’m not quite right in the head. Theres been times I just sit and think, and I end up rocking back and forth with my knees tucked up to my chest wishing these thoughts would go away. I’ve thought about suicide before, wondered how people would react if I just vanished from existence and they never heard from me again. I think they would get over it pretty quickly and just go back to how things were before they met me. I never really contribute anything to my friends anyways. I don’t have anything to offer, I try and be funny because thats all I really have but most of the time I fail at making people laugh. I love to sing but I’m horrible at it, I wrote one and a half books but I suck at writing. I can’t draw at all. I can’t play any instruments. I’m a good listener but I rarely have any good advice to give which is ok since no one ever comes to me. In this Skype chat with all my friends I never talk because I never know what they are talking about, so I might as well not even be in the chat at all and whenever I say something or post something on Facebook I never get any response from anybody, so maybe they don’t even like me that much. No one would really miss me anyways.
I tend to get jealous over stupid little things, and when I get jealous I tend to over think things and get really pessimistic about stuff. I get in this state of mine where no one likes me and I’m just a bother to everybody. I usually can’t get myself out of said mindset once it starts and it lasts for quite awhile. I usually try not to let people see me when I’m in a bad mood, a lot of my friends know me as the happy funny friend who never lets anything get to them and the guy they can turn to when they need someone or the guy they know they can freely vent to and he will listen to every word. I don’t want people to think I’m not strong or I’m not who they think I am, but at the same time it’s nice to get a little sympathy when I’m in a bad mood.